Umrao Jaan

In the list of Unreasonable Demands On A Lover, the one placed by Nawab Sultan (Abhishek Bachan) on Umrao Jaan (Aishwarya Rai) pretty much tops it: She is not only to become his lover but must remain faithful, emotionally AND physically as well.

A common requirement in most relationships but Umrao Jaan is a courtesan in 19th century Lucknow, the prized "tawaif" in the brothel run by Madam Khanum Jaan .

Like Geishas in Feudal Japan, courtesans were not whores who slept with the next paying customer, but were accomplished singers and dancers whose virginity was traded for the best price.

Although the Nawab becomes the lucky customer who gets to de-flower Umrao Jaan and she subsequently falls in love with him, the film asks us to accept the fact that she manages to remain chaste even after her penniless lover ( disinherited after a row with daddy who forbids the union) is embarrasingly ejected from the brothel.

The kind but hard as steel Khanum Jaan (a superb performance by Shabana Azmi) accepts no compromises where money is concerned, as evidenced by her cold haggling over the price of a kidnapped young girl who is brought to her, young Amiran who is christened Umrao Jaan and instructed in the art of Pleasure. And yet, after the Nawab's departure, when the obscenely wealthy Faiz Ali ( a perennially under used Suneil Shetty) comes a calling and is rebuffed by Umrao, she shrugs with a "what can you do" air that belies her nature.

And director J.P. Dutta makes a few missteps in updating this remake of the 1981 hit which starred Rekha in the titular role:

In the original, Nawab Sultan leaves Umrao to marry a girl of his father's choice. Faiz Ali subsequently woos and wins Umrao's heart.

In the current version, Dutta plots a "Only One Man For Me" trajectory for his Umrao, who, in the time honoured tradition of Indian Film Heroines, continues to pine for her lover, which unfortunately makes her subsequent treatment of Faiz Ali, selfish and even a tad cruel. Even when Faiz Ali's shady past is revealed and he retaliates against Umrao upon discovering he was being used, one is still hard pressed to sympathise with her.

And when a reunion with the Nawab has him doing a Rama and questioning her chastity, you'd be hard pressed not to roll your eyes. She isn't Sita, you feel like telling the dolt, and if fidelity was high on your list of requirements, perhaps choosing a woman trained to pleasure men for money as your inamorata wasn't really the way to go.

And capitalising perhaps on the growing Abhishek-Ash pairing in real life, Dutta chooses to bring an already langurously paced movie to a screeching halt to focus on the Nawab-Umrao romance.

Dutta does try for substance notably in a few scenes where through Khanum Jaan, he makes the point that the closed in society of the brothel is still far more protective of its people than the cold, cruel world out there. Umrao faces rejection, prison, ostracism from family and derision from her own village but comes back to love and acceptance from her courtesan family and mother figure. But these scenes are too few are far between.

But if you're in the mood, this is a gorgeous throwback to old fashioned Cinema, with eye-cathing sets (most of it shot in and around Jaipur and its various forts and palaces), dazzling costumes and poetry suffused dialogue
And the ever luminescent Aishwarya Rai is always easy on the eye.

They don't make films like these anymore, that's for sure.

Next

My review of Michael Crichton's Next was published in The Star today. It's always a good feeling to see what you wrote up in print and especially nice when the discovery is made on a lazy Sunday morning, ensconced in a comfy couch sipping your morning cuppa.

Reviewing a book isn't as easy as I thought it would be. To condense a 500 page novel into cohesive thoughts debating its merits and drawbacks, while adhering to a 500 word limit not to mention making the whole endeavour entertainingly readable requires a bit of effort, for this writer at least.

Funny thing is, upon finishing a book or movie, my head is usually bursting with words,ideas, thoughts and views of the item(s) just read or seen, sentences, snippets and soundbites jostling for space in a chaotic mind. And it all happens at the most inopportune of moments, when I'm brushing my teeth, sitting on the toilet or having a shower, activities not exactly conducive to writing. Books and magazine are welcome in my bathroom but I draw the line at placing pen and paper in there.
For one, I'm a wet bathroom kinda guy, you know, the type that covers every square inch of tile with water at the end of a shower( a fact that still drives my Immortal Beloved bonkers!) and a laptop's lifespan would be severely shortened under such damp conditions not to mention the stoutest of paper wilting under conditions resembling a humid Amazonian jungle after one of my scalding hot baths.
And more importantly, I have been known to spend a little additional time in the loo, long after I've finished what I went in there for, if a certain article or chapter has captivated me, sitting on the throne far longer than is practically necessary, until my visibly annoyed Beloved is compelled to stage a coup to topple my reign (switching off the lights and banging on the door being preferred de-throning methods).
So, adding writing to reading in the wash room is a recipe for Marital Disaster.
Therefore, it's a quick dash to the laptop the next time I get a juicy thought or two for a potential review or notebook and pen in pocket when I'm out and about.
Or hope that inspiration strikes me in drier locales....