Tristan & Isolde

I love medieval epics.The clang of swords,the woosh of bow and arrow in bloody battles,the costumes,scenery..all these make even the corniest sword & sandal epic work for me .Gladiator,Troy,Kingdom Of Heaven are all must-haves in my DVD collection.Add to this Tristan & Isolde,based on the old Arthurian legend of star-crossed lovers.This movie had so little publicity only a chance visit to the Rotten Tomatoes website made me aware of it.And my main reason for grabbing the DVD was the fact that it's directed by Kevin Reynolds who helmed "Robin Hood:Prince Of Thieves" and "The Count Of Monte Cristo" so the dude has a good track record for films with men in tights.The former is still delightfully entertaining after all these years and the latter still worth a watch thanks to Guy Pierce's slimy turn as the villain.I first came across this story in an old book in my collection called "King Arthur and The Knights Of The Round Table". In the book,Tristan was one of the strongest of King Arthur's knights who falls in love with Isolde who unfortunately is betrothed to the cowardly King Mark of Cornwall.Knowing she could never be happy with the King,her maidservant hides a jug of magic portions on the boatride to Cornwall with the idea that the King and Isolde would each drink from it and fall in love with one another(it's that kind of portion,see).Unfortunately Tristan,who was also escorting Isolde to Cornwall and hence in the boat as well,discover the jug and he and Isolde drink from it,intensifying their love for one another,making his duty to hand her over to the king that much harder.Yes,all very tragic indeed.The movie takes generous liberties with the story chief among which is the complete jettisoning of the whole Round Table business.The England potrayed is one of the Dark Ages,where the Irish reign supreme and the rest of England consists of warring tribes(not unlike Antoine Fuqua's King Arthur last year).The Irish rule with an iron fist,hacking and killing all who rebel.In one such bloody slaughter,young Tristan's father who was planning to unite the English tribes against the Irish are slain.Tristan is adopted by King Mark of Cornwall,grows into a dashing and strong warrior.I say dashing and strong because that's what the filmmakers would have us believe although James Franco looks like he could comfortably step into any of a dozen American Teen Soapies with a change of clothing and a hair-cut.While everyone around him is suitably grizzled,muddy and dirty as befits the accepted standard of hygiene during medieval times,Tristan is clean, shaven & coiffed.It's Rufus Sewell's King Mark who wins points for being the "Real Man" of the epic,even minus 1 hand,as he not only looks tough,but exhibits class,nobility and courage when Tristan screws around with his wife,Isolde.See,during an earlier attack by the Irish which left our hero mortally wounded,thinking him dead,they push him out to sea where he comfortably sails into a deserted beach in Ireland,where,naturally Isolde,the daughter of the Irish king,finds him.Naturally as he's cold from all that time at sea,she strips and cuddles him for warmth.Naturally,she tells her maid to strip as well which,if this were a porn flick,would have led to an excellent 3-way shag-a-thon.But Isolde waits till Tristan is healed while hiding him away in deserted hut,before giving him a taste of Irish "hospitality".Tristan heals and heads home.When he is asked to partake in a tournament to win the Irish King's daughter as a prize for King Mark,our hero is flabbergasted to find that said daughter is none other than Isolde(silly girl didn't tell him who she was,see).So Tristan takes her back to Cornwall,she cries,he pouts and she marries the king.But hormones will be hormones,and before you can say "adultery",Tristan & Isolde are doing the Wild Thing amidst secret rendezvous and snatched moments during banquets.Of course,Isolde,being the dutiful wife she is,also performs her nuptial duties to King Mark at night,which,if this were a porn flick,would make her something of a medieval Jenna Jameson.Later there is betrayal,scheming among the warlords and a final battle with the wicked Irish King all played out very melodramatically.All in all,quite watchable thanks to some breath-taking Celtic scenery,some decent battle-scenes(rendered mild,unfortunately by the infernal PG-13 rating),a great performance by Sophia Myles and Rufus Sewell.